The Scare
I wasn't too sure if I wanted to share this in the beginning cos it would be like 'oh poor me I'm sick' kinda scenario and I definitely didn't wanna come across as that but this is great news and I really thought it would be nice to share. Plus, it would be an encouragement for me to read back in the future. :)
Pretty long story though. Go get some popcorn and soda!
About slightly more than a month ago, I fell ill after returning from Europe and started to get worried cos the last time I came back from Europe, I fell so sick that I was admitted into the hospital and the doc said it was probably some virus I brought back with me from the land of the giant whites.
So this time, I thought oh no not again, why does these viruses love me so much??? Why must they always choose me to follow home? I had a bad case of cold but recovered pretty quickly. Then not even a week after recovering from my cold, I discovered some lumps on my neck but thought nothing about it since I had it about 10 years ago and it eventually went away. It was accompanied by fever and since I didn't have fever this time, nothing much to worry about ya? I was wrong. The fever followed after a few days the lumps appeared. Really bad ones that caused me to have severe cases of lethargy that I almost got into so many accidents while driving and my bed time became 8pm instead of my usual 12am. It also came along with bad migraines so bad that even turning my eye balls hurts my head so badly. I thought it's better to go get it checked this time.
1st consultation with the doc: Infection. Was given some antibiotics and vitamin C and doc said I will be ok after a week.
She was wrong. I was not only 'not ok', it got worse. More lumps came about and it hurt.
2nd consultation with another doc: Infection. Gave me different antibiotics cos she said probably previous one was not strong enough and also gave me anti inflammatory pills to reduce swelling on my neck. Said this should help but if nothing happens after I finish this course of antibiotics, go back to her.
Nothing happened and I was losing so much weight and my appetite became so poor. My fever persisted. I was getting worried.
3rd consultation: Doc became worried and said it is not infection because infection would go away after 2 courses of antibiotics. She referred me to the nearest hospital and advised me to go see a specialist asap. I asked what could it be, she gave me a guilty look and said it could be anything, I asked, does it look like cancer, again she gave me a guilty look and told me to consult a specialist to be sure.
My heart sank. But didn't wanna jump into any conclusions before I consult the specialist.
While waiting for my appointment with the specialist, which is like a week away cos she was fully booked, I fell even more ill with pains and fever and night sweats. Just walking made me feel soooooooo tired. I dropped to 39kgs.
Finally it was the day. Saw the specialist, asked me some questions and she said it could be 2 things. TB or Lymphoma. I kinda knew what TB was but Lymphoma? I asked the specialist, what's lymphoma, she gave me a really general answer: "Growth in the lymph nodes". I had to probe her and finally asked the million dollar question, is it cancerous? She said, it IS cancer. I was dumbfounded. I went for the appointment alone and didn't have anyone to fall back on and it was such a scary feeling.
I was asked to do an xray and blood test (which I wrote about earlier, my very interesting experience) to test for TB and if it is not TB, I would need to do a CT scan and biopsy to test for Lymphoma. Results will be out in a week.
That was quite a week I must say. I didn't know what to think of this at all and am not very sure how to react. There are days where I breakdown but there are days where I feel like everything is gonna be ok.
So a week later, I went to get my results and my pastor's wife was kind enough to accompany me for emotional support. :S After all the suspense waiting for more than an hour at the hospital, the doc finally told me that the results weren't ready. Huh??? Told me to return the next day. Wow that didn't help at all. I couldn't even have my lunch properly after that but ok, the next day it is.
Next day, I was all packed up ready to be admitted for a biopsy. I just wanna get this over and done with so if the results shows that it is TB negative, I will go for an immediate biopsy. The doc was surprised to see my little luggage with me when I saw her. She said "Good news, you are TB negative". I was thinking ok, that's only half of the good news, so don't look so happy now doc. She saw my worried face and told me not to worry about Lymphoma, let the biopsy tell us what is it. And I did my CT scan immediately and got admitted for my biopsy.
I mentioned biopsy right? That's what the specialist told me. I ended up going thru a surgery to remove 2 lumps. How did that happen? I have no idea. She probably decided to remove the lumps after seeing the CT scan. I remember being woken up after the surgery to take a look at the lumps and it was a sight to remember. :S I now have a cool scar on my neck.
So, it's another wait now. Results were supposed to only be 3 days but due to the many public holidays during the coming week, doc told me to I could only get it on the Monday after. My surgery was on a Saturday. That's quite a long wait and can you imagine the suspense and what kinda thoughts will come running thru my mind? But anyhow, I just can't wait to find out what it is.
The days that followed, I was surprisingly calm. Many were sending me songs and bible verses as encouragement but I somehow felt this unexplainable peace that I thought that the others were more concerned than me! Thanks for those who kept me in your prayers and for those who sent me those videos and bible verses, I guess that was what helped me go through the supposedly difficult week. God has been my strength undoubtedly and without Him, I would have been bald by now puling my hair off one by one.
However, 2 days before my result day, I started to worry. I gave in to the worries and crazy thoughts. I was already thinking of heaven and wishing Relin was around so that we can you know, go through the cancer journey together, as crazy as it sounds. It's always easier to have someone who knows exactly what you're going through on this journey together. I broke down. I had sleepless nights. My prayer was just a simple one liner "God whatever it is, I only pray for strength to go through it". God may have plans for me way above my understanding and if it means me having cancer, I won't pray it away. Life on earth is only temporary, we all will meet our creator sooner or later. So I will accept whatever comes.
Wow I sound so emo, but in all seriousness, those were the thoughts that sort of kept my sanity. Knowing that God has full control over my life and not try to fight it.
My 2 longs nights passed and the big day hath cometh. I had friends and relatives sweet enough to send me prayers and encouragements early in the morning and it helped, so thanks again, you know who you are. Through this I know that I am blessed with people around me who truly cares.
I went to work that morning but my mind was no where to be found in the office (boss if you're reading this, sorry :s) I just couldn't focus and kept thinking of what the doc will say to me later. I was preparing myself mentally. The drive to the hospital was quite challenging due to short of breath. I just couldn't catch my breath and noise around me started to drown out. All I hear was my hard breathing. I felt tears trying to creep out of my peepers but I kept telling myself, if it's not cancer I would be laughing at myself for crying for nothing! So no, no crying Abby.
Arrived at the hospital, waited as usual and the moment of truth came when the doc called out my name, personally. I'm not sure if this was good or bad cos usually the nurse will be the one calling me into the consultation room. I walked towards her and she had that look that has bad news written all over. Even my pastor's wife saw it and she was prepared for the worse. My heart sank.
A few seconds later, the 2 words that she uttered sounded like the angels singing. Ok a little bit exaggerated but you'd probably get it if you were in my shoes. "Good News" she said. And I found myself smiling silly and thanking God for His grace and mercy. I am found to be negative of Lymphoma! Relief doesn't even justify what I felt but that only means God still has more for me to do here I guess?
The doc said I had ALL the signs of Lymphoma and she herself was feeling very concerned but Thank God, I'm diagnosed with a rare disease that targets mainly females within the age group of 20-30. It is rare, but not life threatening so that's all good. I would only need to be on medication for 2 weeks for temporary cure. This is a self limiting disease that will sort of 'self destruct' with time. So I'm fine and cancer-free!! :D
Thanks again everyone for your prayers and encouragements and for standing by me. I truly appreciate it especially in this month of turmoil.
This has definitely brought my relationship with God to another level. He has been real to me over and over again. This year has been a really tough year for me with the lost of my best friend to cancer, ruptured appendix, cancer scare and many other struggles throughout the year and I just can't thank Him enough for bringing me through each and every one of them and the reason I'm still standing strong today is because of Him. All glory goes to God.
Thanks for being patient and reading this long post. Hope this has encouraged you somehow and know that there are always people around you who cares and a God who sees and hear you.
Pretty long story though. Go get some popcorn and soda!
About slightly more than a month ago, I fell ill after returning from Europe and started to get worried cos the last time I came back from Europe, I fell so sick that I was admitted into the hospital and the doc said it was probably some virus I brought back with me from the land of the giant whites.
So this time, I thought oh no not again, why does these viruses love me so much??? Why must they always choose me to follow home? I had a bad case of cold but recovered pretty quickly. Then not even a week after recovering from my cold, I discovered some lumps on my neck but thought nothing about it since I had it about 10 years ago and it eventually went away. It was accompanied by fever and since I didn't have fever this time, nothing much to worry about ya? I was wrong. The fever followed after a few days the lumps appeared. Really bad ones that caused me to have severe cases of lethargy that I almost got into so many accidents while driving and my bed time became 8pm instead of my usual 12am. It also came along with bad migraines so bad that even turning my eye balls hurts my head so badly. I thought it's better to go get it checked this time.
1st consultation with the doc: Infection. Was given some antibiotics and vitamin C and doc said I will be ok after a week.
She was wrong. I was not only 'not ok', it got worse. More lumps came about and it hurt.
2nd consultation with another doc: Infection. Gave me different antibiotics cos she said probably previous one was not strong enough and also gave me anti inflammatory pills to reduce swelling on my neck. Said this should help but if nothing happens after I finish this course of antibiotics, go back to her.
Nothing happened and I was losing so much weight and my appetite became so poor. My fever persisted. I was getting worried.
3rd consultation: Doc became worried and said it is not infection because infection would go away after 2 courses of antibiotics. She referred me to the nearest hospital and advised me to go see a specialist asap. I asked what could it be, she gave me a guilty look and said it could be anything, I asked, does it look like cancer, again she gave me a guilty look and told me to consult a specialist to be sure.
My heart sank. But didn't wanna jump into any conclusions before I consult the specialist.
While waiting for my appointment with the specialist, which is like a week away cos she was fully booked, I fell even more ill with pains and fever and night sweats. Just walking made me feel soooooooo tired. I dropped to 39kgs.
Finally it was the day. Saw the specialist, asked me some questions and she said it could be 2 things. TB or Lymphoma. I kinda knew what TB was but Lymphoma? I asked the specialist, what's lymphoma, she gave me a really general answer: "Growth in the lymph nodes". I had to probe her and finally asked the million dollar question, is it cancerous? She said, it IS cancer. I was dumbfounded. I went for the appointment alone and didn't have anyone to fall back on and it was such a scary feeling.
I was asked to do an xray and blood test (which I wrote about earlier, my very interesting experience) to test for TB and if it is not TB, I would need to do a CT scan and biopsy to test for Lymphoma. Results will be out in a week.
That was quite a week I must say. I didn't know what to think of this at all and am not very sure how to react. There are days where I breakdown but there are days where I feel like everything is gonna be ok.
So a week later, I went to get my results and my pastor's wife was kind enough to accompany me for emotional support. :S After all the suspense waiting for more than an hour at the hospital, the doc finally told me that the results weren't ready. Huh??? Told me to return the next day. Wow that didn't help at all. I couldn't even have my lunch properly after that but ok, the next day it is.
Next day, I was all packed up ready to be admitted for a biopsy. I just wanna get this over and done with so if the results shows that it is TB negative, I will go for an immediate biopsy. The doc was surprised to see my little luggage with me when I saw her. She said "Good news, you are TB negative". I was thinking ok, that's only half of the good news, so don't look so happy now doc. She saw my worried face and told me not to worry about Lymphoma, let the biopsy tell us what is it. And I did my CT scan immediately and got admitted for my biopsy.
I mentioned biopsy right? That's what the specialist told me. I ended up going thru a surgery to remove 2 lumps. How did that happen? I have no idea. She probably decided to remove the lumps after seeing the CT scan. I remember being woken up after the surgery to take a look at the lumps and it was a sight to remember. :S I now have a cool scar on my neck.
So, it's another wait now. Results were supposed to only be 3 days but due to the many public holidays during the coming week, doc told me to I could only get it on the Monday after. My surgery was on a Saturday. That's quite a long wait and can you imagine the suspense and what kinda thoughts will come running thru my mind? But anyhow, I just can't wait to find out what it is.
The days that followed, I was surprisingly calm. Many were sending me songs and bible verses as encouragement but I somehow felt this unexplainable peace that I thought that the others were more concerned than me! Thanks for those who kept me in your prayers and for those who sent me those videos and bible verses, I guess that was what helped me go through the supposedly difficult week. God has been my strength undoubtedly and without Him, I would have been bald by now puling my hair off one by one.
However, 2 days before my result day, I started to worry. I gave in to the worries and crazy thoughts. I was already thinking of heaven and wishing Relin was around so that we can you know, go through the cancer journey together, as crazy as it sounds. It's always easier to have someone who knows exactly what you're going through on this journey together. I broke down. I had sleepless nights. My prayer was just a simple one liner "God whatever it is, I only pray for strength to go through it". God may have plans for me way above my understanding and if it means me having cancer, I won't pray it away. Life on earth is only temporary, we all will meet our creator sooner or later. So I will accept whatever comes.
Wow I sound so emo, but in all seriousness, those were the thoughts that sort of kept my sanity. Knowing that God has full control over my life and not try to fight it.
My 2 longs nights passed and the big day hath cometh. I had friends and relatives sweet enough to send me prayers and encouragements early in the morning and it helped, so thanks again, you know who you are. Through this I know that I am blessed with people around me who truly cares.
I went to work that morning but my mind was no where to be found in the office (boss if you're reading this, sorry :s) I just couldn't focus and kept thinking of what the doc will say to me later. I was preparing myself mentally. The drive to the hospital was quite challenging due to short of breath. I just couldn't catch my breath and noise around me started to drown out. All I hear was my hard breathing. I felt tears trying to creep out of my peepers but I kept telling myself, if it's not cancer I would be laughing at myself for crying for nothing! So no, no crying Abby.
Arrived at the hospital, waited as usual and the moment of truth came when the doc called out my name, personally. I'm not sure if this was good or bad cos usually the nurse will be the one calling me into the consultation room. I walked towards her and she had that look that has bad news written all over. Even my pastor's wife saw it and she was prepared for the worse. My heart sank.
A few seconds later, the 2 words that she uttered sounded like the angels singing. Ok a little bit exaggerated but you'd probably get it if you were in my shoes. "Good News" she said. And I found myself smiling silly and thanking God for His grace and mercy. I am found to be negative of Lymphoma! Relief doesn't even justify what I felt but that only means God still has more for me to do here I guess?
The doc said I had ALL the signs of Lymphoma and she herself was feeling very concerned but Thank God, I'm diagnosed with a rare disease that targets mainly females within the age group of 20-30. It is rare, but not life threatening so that's all good. I would only need to be on medication for 2 weeks for temporary cure. This is a self limiting disease that will sort of 'self destruct' with time. So I'm fine and cancer-free!! :D
Thanks again everyone for your prayers and encouragements and for standing by me. I truly appreciate it especially in this month of turmoil.
This has definitely brought my relationship with God to another level. He has been real to me over and over again. This year has been a really tough year for me with the lost of my best friend to cancer, ruptured appendix, cancer scare and many other struggles throughout the year and I just can't thank Him enough for bringing me through each and every one of them and the reason I'm still standing strong today is because of Him. All glory goes to God.
Thanks for being patient and reading this long post. Hope this has encouraged you somehow and know that there are always people around you who cares and a God who sees and hear you.
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